Describe a person who taught you a skill

Band 6

I would like to talk about my uncle Bakyt, who teachTense slip: should be “taught” me to swim when I was about eight years old. He is my mother’s younger brother and he lives near Almaty, so every summer we visited his house. I remember the first lesson very well because I was, erNatural hesitation marker, minor filler, really afraid of the water. We went to a small lake outside the city, and he don’t letAuxiliary error: should be “didn’t let” me jump in at once. First he held my hands and showed me how to move my legs, and then he asked me to put my face in the water, which was the most difficult part. He told me that everybody is afraid at the beginning, and this made me feel a little better. Every weekend we practiseTense slip: should be “practised” for about a month, and he was always patient and never shouted when I made a mistake. At the end I could swim across the shallow part alone, and I felt very happyBasic vocabulary; limits Lexical Resource and proud. On the last day my mother brought some food to the lake and we had a small picnic together. This skill is important to me for two reasons. First, swimming can keep a person safe, and second, it gave me confidence, because before that month I was afraid of many thingPlural error: should be “many things”. Now I can go to the sea with my friends and I do not worry. You knowFiller phrase used as a hesitation marker, last year I teachTense slip: should be “taught” my younger sister in the same way, and I think my uncle would be proud of both of us.

Band 7

I’d like to talk about my uncle Bakyt, who taught me to swim when I was about eight years old. He’s my mother’s younger brother and he lives near Almaty, so we spent every summer at his house. I remember the first lesson clearly because I was genuinely terrified of the waterPrecise, natural intensifier and adjective. We went to a small lake outside the city, and he wouldn’t let me jump in until I’d got used to itPast perfect after “until” used accurately. First he held my hands and showed me how to kick, and then he ask meTense slip: should be “asked me” to put my face in the water, which was by far the hardest part. He told me that everybody is afraid at the beginning, which made me feel a little better. We practised every weekend for about a month, and he was endlessly patientPrecise collocation and never shouted when I made a mistake. By the end I could swim across the shallow part on my own, and I felt proud and a little bit relievedNatural emotional vocabulary. On the last day my mother brought some food to the lake and we had a small picnic together. The skill matters to me for two reasons. Firstly, swimming can keep a person safe, and secondly it gave me confidence, because before that month I used to be afraid of all sorts of things”Used to” for a past state, used accurately. Nowadays I can go to the sea with my friends without worrying. What’s moreLinking phrase adds a point naturally, last year I taught my younger sister in same wayMissing article: should be “in the same way”, and I think my uncle would be proud of both of us.

Band 8

I’d like to talk about my uncle Bakyt, who taught me to swim when I was about eight. He’s my mother’s younger brother and lives near Almaty, so we spent every summer at his house. I remember the first lesson vividly, because I was petrified of the waterStrong, precise adjective. We went to a small lake outside the city, and he wouldn’t let me jump in until I’d got used to it. First he held my hands and showed me how to kick, and then he coaxed me into putting my face under the waterPrecise verb with a natural verb pattern, which was by far the hardest part. He reassured me that everybody is afraid at the beginning, which helped more than I’d expected. We practised every weekend for about a month, and he was endlessly patient: not once did he raise his voiceInversion after a negative adverbial, used accurately when I got something wrong. By the end I could swim across the shallow part unaided, and I felt proud and quietly relieved. On the final day my mother brought food to the lake and we celebrated with a small picnic. The skill matters to me for two reasons. Firstly, it’s a matter of safety, since anyone who spends time near water ought to be able to swim. Secondly, it changed how I deal with fear: having managed that once, I stopped assuming I’d fail before I triedPerfect participle clause linking cause and result. Nowadays I can spend a day at the sea with friends without a flicker of worry. Funnily enoughDiscourse marker introducing a pleasing coincidence, last year I taught my younger sister in exactly the same way, which felt like passing the favour onNatural idiomatic phrasing, and I suspect my uncle would be proud of us both.