Describe a person who taught you a skill

Band 6

I would like to talk about my uncle Bakyt, who teachОшибка времени: должно быть «taught» me to swim when I was about eight years old. He is my mother’s younger brother and he lives near Almaty, so every summer we visited his house. I remember the first lesson very well because I was, erЕстественная заминка, лёгкое слово-паразит, really afraid of the water. We went to a small lake outside the city, and he don’t letОшибка во вспомогательном глаголе: должно быть «didn’t let» me jump in at once. First he held my hands and showed me how to move my legs, and then he asked me to put my face in the water, which was the most difficult part. He told me that everybody is afraid at the beginning, and this made me feel a little better. Every weekend we practiseОшибка времени: должно быть «practised» for about a month, and he was always patient and never shouted when I made a mistake. At the end I could swim across the shallow part alone, and I felt very happyПростая лексика; ограничивает Lexical Resource and proud. On the last day my mother brought some food to the lake and we had a small picnic together. This skill is important to me for two reasons. First, swimming can keep a person safe, and second, it gave me confidence, because before that month I was afraid of many thingОшибка во множественном числе: должно быть «many things». Now I can go to the sea with my friends and I do not worry. You knowФраза-паразит, используемая как заминка, last year I teachОшибка времени: должно быть «taught» my younger sister in the same way, and I think my uncle would be proud of both of us.

Band 7

I’d like to talk about my uncle Bakyt, who taught me to swim when I was about eight years old. He’s my mother’s younger brother and he lives near Almaty, so we spent every summer at his house. I remember the first lesson clearly because I was genuinely terrified of the waterТочное, естественное усилительное слово и прилагательное. We went to a small lake outside the city, and he wouldn’t let me jump in until I’d got used to itPast Perfect после «until» употреблён правильно. First he held my hands and showed me how to kick, and then he ask meОшибка времени: должно быть «asked me» to put my face in the water, which was by far the hardest part. He told me that everybody is afraid at the beginning, which made me feel a little better. We practised every weekend for about a month, and he was endlessly patientТочное сочетание слов and never shouted when I made a mistake. By the end I could swim across the shallow part on my own, and I felt proud and a little bit relievedЕстественная лексика для описания чувств. On the last day my mother brought some food to the lake and we had a small picnic together. The skill matters to me for two reasons. Firstly, swimming can keep a person safe, and secondly it gave me confidence, because before that month I used to be afraid of all sorts of things«Used to» для прошлого состояния употреблено правильно. Nowadays I can go to the sea with my friends without worrying. What’s moreСвязующая фраза естественно добавляет мысль, last year I taught my younger sister in same wayПропущен артикль: должно быть «in the same way», and I think my uncle would be proud of both of us.

Band 8

I’d like to talk about my uncle Bakyt, who taught me to swim when I was about eight. He’s my mother’s younger brother and lives near Almaty, so we spent every summer at his house. I remember the first lesson vividly, because I was petrified of the waterСильное, точное прилагательное. We went to a small lake outside the city, and he wouldn’t let me jump in until I’d got used to it. First he held my hands and showed me how to kick, and then he coaxed me into putting my face under the waterТочный глагол с естественной моделью управления, which was by far the hardest part. He reassured me that everybody is afraid at the beginning, which helped more than I’d expected. We practised every weekend for about a month, and he was endlessly patient: not once did he raise his voiceИнверсия после отрицательного обстоятельства употреблена правильно when I got something wrong. By the end I could swim across the shallow part unaided, and I felt proud and quietly relieved. On the final day my mother brought food to the lake and we celebrated with a small picnic. The skill matters to me for two reasons. Firstly, it’s a matter of safety, since anyone who spends time near water ought to be able to swim. Secondly, it changed how I deal with fear: having managed that once, I stopped assuming I’d fail before I triedПричастный оборот в перфектной форме связывает причину и результат. Nowadays I can spend a day at the sea with friends without a flicker of worry. Funnily enoughВводное слово, подводящее к приятному совпадению, last year I taught my younger sister in exactly the same way, which felt like passing the favour onЕстественная идиоматичная формулировка, and I suspect my uncle would be proud of us both.