Describe a sports person you admire

Band 6

I would like to describe a sports person I admire, a woman called Tran Mai. She is a long-distance runner from my city, Da Nang, and she is not famous in the whole world, but many people here know her. She winVerb form error: should be “has won” the regional championship several times, and she also goTense slip: should be “went” abroad to run for our country. I first heard about her when I was fifteen, because she came to my school to give a talk. She told us that she trains at five in the morning before her work as a teacher, and everybody in the hall was surprised. After that I, erNatural hesitation marker, minor filler, saw her on the local news and I followTense slip: should be “followed” her videos online. The most important thing for me is what happened after her knee injury. She could not run for many months and she was almost ready to stop, but she didn’t gave upAuxiliary error: should be “didn’t give up”. She did slow exercises in the pool, and in the end she came back and won againBasic vocabulary; limits Lexical Resource. In the last race I watched on television she finished first, and I shouted so loud that my mother came to my room. I admire her because she is very hard-workingBasic vocabulary; limits Lexical Resource, and she haveSubject-verb agreement error: should be “has” a good heart too. You knowFiller phrase used as a hesitation marker, now she helps children in a small club at weekends, and she is always smiling. She never complains when she loses, and she always congratulates the winner. I think she shows young people that failure is not the end, and I want to be like her when I have difficulties in my life.

Band 7

I’d like to describe a sports person I admire, a woman called Tran Mai. She’s a long-distance runner from my city, Da Nang, and although she isn’t famous worldwide, many people here know her. She’s won the regional championship several times, and she’s also gone abroad to run for our country. I first heard about her when I was fifteen, because she visited my school to give a talk. She told us that she trains at five in the morning before her work as a teacher, and everybody in the hall was surprised. After that I saw her on the local news and followed her videos onlineNatural collocation for following an athlete. What I admire most is how she handled her knee injury. She couldn’t run for many months and she was close to giving up altogetherGerund after a preposition used accurately, but she did slow exercises in the pool and eventually came back stronger than beforeNatural comparative phrase. In the last race I watched on television she finished first, and I shouted so loudly that my mother came into my room. I admire her because she’s so dedicatedPrecise adjective and, what’s moreLinking phrase adds a point naturally, she’s kind personMissing article: should be “a kind person”. These days she helps children at a local club at weekends, and she’s always smiling. She never complains when she loses, and she always congratulates the winner. I think she shows young people that failing at something isn’t the end of the roadGerund subject with a natural idiom, and I’d like to be like her when I face difficulties.

Band 8

I’d like to describe a sports person I admire, a woman called Tran Mai. She’s a long-distance runner from my city, Da Nang, and although she isn’t a household name abroad, she’s very well known here. She’s won the regional championship several times and has also gone overseas to run for our country. I first heard about her when I was fifteen, because she came to my school to give a talk, where she told us that she trains at five every morning before her work as a teacher. I’ve kept up with her careerIdiomatic phrasal verb used naturally through the local news and her online videos ever since. What I admire most is how she handled her knee injury. She couldn’t run for months and was close to giving up altogetherAccurate gerund after a preposition, yet she switched to slow exercises in the pool and eventually came back stronger than everNatural, idiomatic phrasing. I admire her not only for the results but for her quiet dedicationPrecise collocation and her generosity: these days she gives up her weekends to coach children at a local clubPresent simple for a habit, with natural word order, always smiling. She never complains when she loses, and she always congratulates the winner. In the last race I watched on television she finished first, and I shouted so loudly that my mother came into my room. In my view she shows young people that setbacks are a part of the process rather than the end of it, and when I face difficulties of my own, I try to remember her.