Describe a person who faced difficulties and succeeded

Band 6

I would like to talk about my friend Nodira, who I knowTense slip: should be “have known” since we were eleven years old at school. She had many difficulties after she finished school. She wanted to study at the pharmacy university, but she failTense slip: should be “failed” the entrance exam two times. During that period her father was ill, so she also had a part-time job in a pharmacy and she studyTense slip: should be “she studied” at night. Many people told her to stop, but she never gave upCommon phrase used with little variety and asked her teachers for help with the difficult subjects. When she got her second result, she cried for one evening, but the next morning she was at her desk again. On the third attempt she passed, and now she is in her second year of the course and she works with real patients. I admire her very much because she never complained about her problems, and when I feelTense slip: should be “felt” tired of my own studies, I always think about her. I also admire her because she helpSubject-verb agreement error: should be “helps” other students now. I think her story shows that if you keep trying you can reach your goals, even if it takes more time than other people.

Band 7

I’d like to talk about my friend Nodira, whom I’ve known since we were eleven. She faced a lot of difficulties after finishing school. She wanted to study pharmacy at university, but she failed the entrance exam twice. During that period her father was ill, so she also worked part-time in a pharmacy and studied at night. Many people told her to stop, but she refused to give upNatural phrase showing determination and asked her teachers for help with the subjects she found hardest. When her second result arrived she cried for an evening, but the next morning she was back at her desk. On her third attempt she passed, and she’s now in her second year, working alongside real patients. I admire her enormously, mainly because she never complained, and whenever I feel tired of my own studies, I think of herTime clause links the personal reaction to the story. What impresses me even more is that she now helps other studentsCleft sentence emphasises the point. I think her story shows that if you keep trying you will reachingForm error: should be “reach” your goals, even if it takes longer than it does for other people.

Band 8

I’d like to talk about my friend Nodira, whom I’ve known since we were eleven. She faced a lot of difficulties after finishing school. She wanted to study pharmacy at university, but she failed the entrance exam twice. During that period her father was ill, so she also worked part-time in a pharmacy and studied at night. Many people told her to stop, but she refused to give up and asked her teachers for help with the subjects she found hardest. When her second result arrived she cried for an evening, but the next morning she was back at her desk. On her third attempt she passed, and she’s now in her second year, working alongside real patients. I admire her enormously, mainly because she never complained, and whenever I feel tired of my own studies, I think of her. What impresses me even more is that she now helps other students who are struggling in the way she once didCleft sentence with a relative clause adds depth. Her story shows me that perseverance can outweigh a slow startPrecise abstract phrasing, and that success often belongs to the people who simply refuse to stop.