Describe a person who helped you solve a problem

Band 6

I would like to talk about my cousin’s husband, Ganzorig, who helpTense slip: should be “helped” me with a problem in my family’s shop last November. The shop is in Ulaanbaatar and it sells things for school, and I work there on Saturdays. My aunt owns it, and that year she was giving me more responsibility, so I wanted to do the job well. At that time I looked after the stock list on the computer, but the numbers on the screen wasSubject-verb agreement error: should be “were” not the same as the things on the shelves, and I did not know why. I was very stressedBasic intensifier and adjective; limits Lexical Resource because my aunt wanted the report on Monday. I, erNatural hesitation marker, minor filler, tried to find the mistake for two evenings, but I could not. Then Ganzorig, who is an accountant, comeTense slip: should be “came” to the shop on Sunday when it was closed. He sat next to me and checked the list line by line. After one hour he findTense slip: should be “found” that two deliveries were written two times, so the total was too big. He also showed me an easy way to check the list every week, you knowFiller phrase used as a hesitation marker, so I will not have the same problem again. I felt very happyBasic adjective; limits Lexical Resource and a little shy because the mistake was so simple. It was make meForm error: should be “It made me” feel more confident about my work, and I am really thankful to him. Now I check the list every Saturday before I go home, and my aunt says the report is always correct.

Band 7

I’d like to talk about my cousin’s husband, Ganzorig, who helped me with a problem in my family’s shop last November. The shop is in Ulaanbaatar and sells school supplies, and I work there on Saturdays. My aunt owns it, and that year she’d started trusting me with more responsibility, so I wanted to do the job properly. At that time I was looking after the stock list on the computer, but the numbers on the screen didn’t match what was actually on the shelvesAccurate comparison clause with a past tense, and I couldn’t work out why. I was under a lot of pressureNatural collocation instead of a basic adjective because my aunt wanted the report on Monday. I’d spent two evenings searching for the mistake and I was getting nowhere, to be honestNatural discourse marker that signals frustration. Then Ganzorig, who’s an accountant, came to the shop on Sunday, when it was closed. He sat down beside me and went through the list line by line, and within an hour he’d found that two deliveries had been entered twice, which made the total far too high. He also showed me a simple way to check the list every week, so it wouldn’t happen again. Afterwards I felt enormously relievedPrecise adverb and adjective, and a little embarrassed because the mistake was so much simpleIntensifier error: should be “so simple”. It gave me a lot more confidenceNatural phrase for a lasting effect in my work, and I’m genuinely grateful to him. These days I check the list before I leave every Saturday, and my aunt hasn’t found a single error since.

Band 8

I’d like to talk about my cousin’s husband, Ganzorig, who rescued me from a problem in my family’s shop last November. The shop, in Ulaanbaatar, sells school supplies, and I work there on Saturdays. My aunt owns it, and she had only recently started entrusting me with more responsibility, so I was determined to get it right. At the time I was responsible for the stock list on the computer, but the figures on the screen simply refused to match what was on the shelvesNatural, vivid phrasing with an accurate past tense, and I couldn’t work out why. I was under real pressurePrecise collocation, since my aunt expected the report on Monday, and after two evenings of searching I was at a complete lossIdiomatic phrase for having no ideas. Then Ganzorig, an accountant, came to the shop on Sunday, when it was closed. He sat beside me, went through the list line by line, and within an hour had spotted that two deliveries had been entered twice, which inflated the totalPast perfect and a relative clause used accurately. He also talked me through a simple weekly checkPrecise phrasal expression so that it wouldn’t happen again. I felt enormously relieved, and slightly embarrassed that the cause was so simple, but what stayed with me more than anythingNatural discourse marker introducing reflection was how patiently he explained it, without making me feel foolish. It was a weight off my mind, and it has made me far readier to ask for help early instead of struggling alone. These days I check the list before locking up every Saturday, and the weekly routine he suggested has not failed me once.