Describe an older person you admire

Band 6

I would like to talk about Mrs Kamala Shrestha, an elderly neighbour of mine in Kathmandu. She is seventy-eight years old and she liveSubject-verb agreement error: should be “lives” on the ground floor of our building. I know her sinceTense error: should be “I have known her since” I was seven, when my family moved there. She was a primary school teacher for nearly forty years, and, you knowFiller phrase used as a hesitation marker, she still reads a newspaper every single day. Many of her old students still visitsSubject-verb agreement error: should be “visit” her, and some of them are now doctors. On Saturday mornings we walk together to a small garden near the temple, and after that we drink milk tea and talk. She tells me stories about her old students and about the city when it was very quietBasic vocabulary; limits Lexical Resource, and she always asks about my plans. Her flat is full of books and plants, and the door is always open for people who want to talk. I admire her because her husband died ten years ago, but she do notAuxiliary error: should be “did not” become sad and angry. Instead she joined a women’s group and startTense slip: should be “started” a vegetable garden on the roof. When I am stressed about my exams, erNatural hesitation marker, minor filler, she tells me to take one step at a time. I feel very grateful when I am with her, and I feel a little proud that she is my friend. She never gives me orders, she just listens and then she asks me a good questionBasic vocabulary; limits Lexical Resource, and that helps me to think. I hope that when I will be oldTense error after “when”: should be “when I am old” I can be as kind and as curious as she is. She is a very goodBasic adjective; limits Lexical Resource example for me.

Band 7

I’d like to describe Mrs Kamala Shrestha, an elderly neighbour of mine in Kathmandu. She’s seventy-eight and lives on the ground floor of our building, and I’ve known her since I was seven, when my family moved in. She was a primary school teacher for nearly forty years, and she still reads a newspaper from cover to cover every day. Many of her former pupils still drop in to see her, and a few of them have become doctors and engineers. On Saturday mornings we strollPrecise verb choice to a small garden near the temple, then sit down with milk tea and talk. She tells me stories about her former pupils and about the city when it was far quieter than it is nowComparative with a time clause used accurately, and she never forgets to ask about my plans. Her flat is crammed with books and plants, and the door is always open to anyone who wants a chat. What I admire most is how she handled losing her husband ten years ago: she didn’t turn bitter, she threw herself intoIdiomatic phrasal verb used naturally a local women’s group and started a vegetable garden on the roof. Whenever I’m stressed outNatural informal phrasal adjective about my exams, she reminds me to take things one step at a time. I feel genuinely grateful to know her, and a little proud that she considerAgreement error: should be “considers” me a friend. What I value is that she never gives orders; she simply listens and then asks the right question, which usually helps me work out what I think. I hope that when I’m her age I’ll be as kind and as curious about other people as she is.

Band 8

I’d like to describe Mrs Kamala Shrestha, an elderly neighbour of mine in Kathmandu. She’s seventy-eight and lives on the ground floor of our building, and I’ve known her since I was seven, when my family moved in. She taught at a primary school for nearly forty years, and she still reads the newspaper from cover to cover every morning. Many of her former pupils still drop in, and a few of them have since become doctors and engineers, which she mentions with quiet pride. On Saturdays we amblePrecise, natural verb for a relaxed walk over to a small garden near the temple and settle down with milk tea, and she tells me about her former pupils and about a city that was a good deal quieter than the one I knowComparative with a modifier, controlled and natural. She never fails to ask about my plans, either. Her flat is crammed with books and plants, and her door is open to anyone who fancies a chat. What I admire most is how she coped with losing her husband ten years ago: rather than withdrawing, she threw herself intoIdiomatic phrasal verb used naturally a local women’s group and started a vegetable garden on the roof. Whenever exams have me climbing the wallsIdiomatic expression, informal but apt, she reminds me to take things one step at a time, and somehow it works. She never issues instructions; she listens, then asks precisely the question that helps me untangle my own thoughts. I feel deeply grateful to know her, and a little proud that she considers me a friend. If I’m honestDiscourse marker introducing a personal reflection, I hope that when I reach her age I’ll be every bit as kind and curious as she isEquative structure with an intensifier, because she has shown me that growing old need not mean growing smaller.