Describe a happy person you know

Band 6

I would like to talk about my aunt Amina, who is the younger sister of my mother. She lives in Mombasa in Kenya, and she has a small tailoring shop near the old town. She opened it fifteen years ago and now three women worksSubject-verb agreement error: should be “work” there with her. She is very happy personArticle missing: should be “a very happy person”, I think, and everybody who knowSubject-verb agreement error: should be “knows” her says the same. She is warm and talkative, and she is also very generous. She laughSubject-verb agreement error: should be “laughs” loudly, and the laugh is so big that people in the street turn their heads, you knowFiller phrase used as a hesitation marker. While she is sewing, she sings old songs, and sometimes my cousins is dancingAgreement error: should be “are dancing” around the shop with her. She greets every customer by name and she often bringSubject-verb agreement error: should be “brings” snacks for the neighbours. If somebody has a problem she always stops her work to listen, and she never says that she is too busy. I think she is happy because she is content with what she has. She does not compare herself with other people, erNatural hesitation marker, minor filler, and she spends time with her family every day. She also says thank you for small things, like a good meal or good weatherBasic vocabulary; limits Lexical Resource. Even on difficult days she tells jokes, and the customers go home smiling. The neighbours say that the street feels quiet when she travels. When I am with her I feeledVerb form error: should be “feel” relaxed and I forget my worries. She is a very goodBasic adjective; limits Lexical Resource example of a happy person.

Band 7

I’d like to talk about my aunt Amina, my mother’s younger sister. She lives in Mombasa, in Kenya, and she runs a small tailoring shop near the old town. She opened it fifteen years ago, and now three women work there with her. She’s one of the most cheerful people I knowNatural superlative with a relative clause, and everybody who meets her says the same. She’s warm, talkative and very generous. She has a big laugh, and it’s so loud that people in the street turn their heads. While she’s sewing she sings old songs, and sometimes my cousins dancesAgreement error: should be “dance” around the shop with her. She greets every customer by name and often brings snacks for the neighbours. If someone has a problem she’ll stop whatever she’s doing to listen, and she never says she’s too busy. I think she’s happy because she’s content with what she hasNominal “what” clause used accurately. She doesn’t compare herself with other people, and she spends time with her family every day. She also counts her blessingsIdiomatic expression, used naturally, thanking people for small things such as a good meal or a cool breeze from the sea. Even on difficult days she tells jokes, and customers leave the shop smiling. The neighbours say that the street feels quiet when she travels. When I’m with her I feel relaxed and I forget my worries, which I think says a lotLinking phrase that adds a personal comment. She really is a living example of what a positive outlook can do.

Band 8

I’d like to talk about my aunt Amina, my mother’s younger sister. She lives in Mombasa, in Kenya, and she runs a small tailoring shop near the old town. She opened it fifteen years ago, and three women now work alongside her. She’s one of the most cheerful people I knowNatural superlative with a relative clause, and everybody who meets her says the same. She’s warm, talkative and exceptionally generous. Her laugh is so loud that people in the street turn their heads, and while she’s sewing she sings old songs, so my cousins often end up dancing around the shop with herParticiple clause used naturally after “end up”. She greets every customer by name and regularly brings snacks round for the neighbours. If someone is struggling she’ll put down her scissors to listen, and she has never once said she was too busy. As for why she’s happy, I think it comes down to the fact that she’s content with what she has. She never compares herself with other people, she spends time with her family every day, and she counts her blessingsIdiomatic expression, used naturally, thanking people for small things such as a good meal or a cool breeze from the sea. Even on difficult days she cracks jokes, and customers leave the shop smiling. The neighbours say that the street feels quiet when she travels. Honestly,Discourse marker introducing a personal reflection when I’m with her I feel relaxed and my worries seem to melt awayIdiomatic phrasal verb used naturally. She is living proof of how much a positive outlook can change an ordinary dayAbstract noun phrase with a complex complement.