Describe something you saved money to buy

Band 6

I’d like to describe an acoustic guitar that I saved money to buy two years ago. I live in Lagos, and I am wantingForma verbal incorrecta: debería ser “had wanted” o “wanted” a guitar since I was fifteen, because my uncle played one every Sunday after church and I loved the sound. My family could not buy it for me, so I decided to save by myself. It takeError de tiempo verbal: debería ser “took” me about nine months. I worked on Saturdays in my cousin’s phone shop, and I also stopError de tiempo verbal: debería ser “stopped” buying snacks after class, which was, erMuletilla usada mientras se busca la siguiente idea, quite hard because my friends always went to the cafe. Every month I put the money in a small tin box under my bed and I counted it again and again. In the sixth month my phone breakError de tiempo verbal: debería ser “broke” and I almost useError de forma verbal: debería ser “used” the money to fix it, but my uncle said I must wait. I wanted the guitar because music helps me relax after a long day, and also I wanted to play songs with the group from my church. When I finally had enough money, I went to a music shop near my university with my uncle, and he helped me choose a goodAdjetivo básico; limita el Lexical Resource one. I felt very, very happyIntensificador básico repetido en lugar de una palabra precisa when I carried it home. I didn’t sleptError de forma verbal: debería ser “didn’t sleep” much that night because I playError de tiempo verbal: debería ser “played” until my mother told me to stop. I think saving for it was a good experienceExpresión vaga; limita el Lexical Resource, because now I take care itFalta la preposición: debería ser “take care of it” very carefully. Now I play it at church on Sundays, next to my uncle, and I am very proud when people listen.

Band 7

I’d like to describe an acoustic guitar that I saved up for two years ago. I live in Lagos, and I’d wanted a guitar ever since I was fifteen, because my uncle played one every Sunday after church and I loved the sound. My family couldn’t afford to buy it for me, so I decided to put money asideColocación natural para ahorrar myself, and it took me about nine months. I worked on Saturdays in my cousin’s phone shop, and I gave up buying snacks after class, which was harder than I expected because my friends always went to the cafeComparativo con una cláusula de causa, usado con precisión. Every month I’d drop what I’d earned into a small tin box under my bed and count it again and again. In the sixth month my phone broke and I was tempted to spend the money on a new screen, but my uncle told me to hold on, so I did. I wanted the guitar because music helps me unwind after a long day, and I hoped to play along with the group from my church. When I finally had enough, I went to a music shop near my university with my uncle, who helped me pick out a really nice oneAdjetivo seguro y general; una palabra más precisa ampliaría la variedad. I felt incredibly proudPalabra de sentimiento más fuerte y precisa carrying it home. I hardly slept that night because I kept playing until my mother told to meError de orden de palabras: debería ser “told me” to stop. Looking back, saving for it made me appreciate it more than if someone had simply handed it to meLa oración reflexiva une el esfuerzo con el sentimiento, and I look after it very carefully, so it’s still in a perfect conditionError de artículo: “in perfect condition” no lleva artículo. Now I play it at church on Sundays, right next to my uncle.

Band 8

I’d like to describe an acoustic guitar that I saved up for two years ago. I live in Lagos, and I’d had my heart set on one ever since I was fifteen, when my uncle started playing his every Sunday after church. My family couldn’t afford to buy it for me, so I decided to put the money aside myself, and it took me about nine months. I worked on Saturdays in my cousin’s phone shop and went without snacks after class, which was harder than I’d expected, given that my friends were always at the cafeComparativo con una cláusula causal, controlado y natural. Every month I’d drop what I’d earned into a small tin box under my bed and count it again, as if it might have multiplied overnight. In the sixth month my phone broke and I was sorely temptedColocación precisa que muestra una verdadera lucha interior to spend the money on a new screen, but my uncle urged me to hold on, and I’m glad I did. I wanted the guitar because music helps me unwind after a long day, and I hoped to play along with the group from my church. When I finally had enough, I went to a music shop near my university with my uncle, who helped me pick out one with a warm, full soundDescripción específica en lugar de un adjetivo general. I was over the moonExpresión idiomática de alegría intensa carrying it home. I hardly slept that night because I kept playing until my mother had to come in and ask me to stopFrase narrativa natural con el tiempo verbal correcto. Looking back, what I value most is not the guitar itself but the months it representsOración hendida que da un punto final claro, which is probably why I still treat it with such care. Now I play it at church on Sundays, right next to my uncle, and being listened to feels like a reward I earnedFrase compacta y natural que se hace eco del tema del esfuerzo.