Describe something you saved money to buy

Band 6

I’d like to describe an acoustic guitar that I saved money to buy two years ago. I live in Lagos, and I am wantingНеверная форма глагола: должно быть «had wanted» или «wanted» a guitar since I was fifteen, because my uncle played one every Sunday after church and I loved the sound. My family could not buy it for me, so I decided to save by myself. It takeОшибка времени: должно быть «took» me about nine months. I worked on Saturdays in my cousin’s phone shop, and I also stopОшибка времени: должно быть «stopped» buying snacks after class, which was, erЗаминка в поисках следующей мысли, quite hard because my friends always went to the cafe. Every month I put the money in a small tin box under my bed and I counted it again and again. In the sixth month my phone breakОшибка времени: должно быть «broke» and I almost useОшибка формы глагола: должно быть «used» the money to fix it, but my uncle said I must wait. I wanted the guitar because music helps me relax after a long day, and also I wanted to play songs with the group from my church. When I finally had enough money, I went to a music shop near my university with my uncle, and he helped me choose a goodПростое прилагательное; ограничивает Lexical Resource one. I felt very, very happyПовтор простого усилителя вместо точного слова when I carried it home. I didn’t sleptОшибка формы глагола: должно быть «didn’t sleep» much that night because I playОшибка времени: должно быть «played» until my mother told me to stop. I think saving for it was a good experienceРасплывчатая фраза; ограничивает Lexical Resource, because now I take care itПропущен предлог: должно быть «take care of it» very carefully. Now I play it at church on Sundays, next to my uncle, and I am very proud when people listen.

Band 7

I’d like to describe an acoustic guitar that I saved up for two years ago. I live in Lagos, and I’d wanted a guitar ever since I was fifteen, because my uncle played one every Sunday after church and I loved the sound. My family couldn’t afford to buy it for me, so I decided to put money asideЕстественное сочетание слов для накопления денег myself, and it took me about nine months. I worked on Saturdays in my cousin’s phone shop, and I gave up buying snacks after class, which was harder than I expected because my friends always went to the cafeСравнительная степень с придаточным причины употреблена правильно. Every month I’d drop what I’d earned into a small tin box under my bed and count it again and again. In the sixth month my phone broke and I was tempted to spend the money on a new screen, but my uncle told me to hold on, so I did. I wanted the guitar because music helps me unwind after a long day, and I hoped to play along with the group from my church. When I finally had enough, I went to a music shop near my university with my uncle, who helped me pick out a really nice oneБезопасное общее прилагательное; более точное слово повысило бы разнообразие. I felt incredibly proudБолее сильное и точное слово для чувства carrying it home. I hardly slept that night because I kept playing until my mother told to meОшибка порядка слов: должно быть «told me» to stop. Looking back, saving for it made me appreciate it more than if someone had simply handed it to meРефлексивная часть связывает усилие с чувством, and I look after it very carefully, so it’s still in a perfect conditionОшибка с артиклем: «in perfect condition» употребляется без артикля. Now I play it at church on Sundays, right next to my uncle.

Band 8

I’d like to describe an acoustic guitar that I saved up for two years ago. I live in Lagos, and I’d had my heart set on one ever since I was fifteen, when my uncle started playing his every Sunday after church. My family couldn’t afford to buy it for me, so I decided to put the money aside myself, and it took me about nine months. I worked on Saturdays in my cousin’s phone shop and went without snacks after class, which was harder than I’d expected, given that my friends were always at the cafeСравнительная степень с причинным придаточным, уверенно и естественно. Every month I’d drop what I’d earned into a small tin box under my bed and count it again, as if it might have multiplied overnight. In the sixth month my phone broke and I was sorely temptedТочное сочетание слов, передающее настоящую внутреннюю борьбу to spend the money on a new screen, but my uncle urged me to hold on, and I’m glad I did. I wanted the guitar because music helps me unwind after a long day, and I hoped to play along with the group from my church. When I finally had enough, I went to a music shop near my university with my uncle, who helped me pick out one with a warm, full soundКонкретное описание вместо общего прилагательного. I was over the moonИдиоматичное выражение сильной радости carrying it home. I hardly slept that night because I kept playing until my mother had to come in and ask me to stopЕстественная повествовательная фраза с правильным временем. Looking back, what I value most is not the guitar itself but the months it representsРасщеплённое предложение, дающее чёткий итоговый вывод, which is probably why I still treat it with such care. Now I play it at church on Sundays, right next to my uncle, and being listened to feels like a reward I earnedКраткая естественная фраза, перекликающаяся с темой усилия.