Describe something you saved money to buy

Band 6

I’d like to describe an acoustic guitar that I saved money to buy two years ago. I live in Lagos, and I am wantingLỗi dạng động từ: phải là “had wanted” hoặc “wanted” a guitar since I was fifteen, because my uncle played one every Sunday after church and I loved the sound. My family could not buy it for me, so I decided to save by myself. It takeLỗi thì: phải là “took” me about nine months. I worked on Saturdays in my cousin’s phone shop, and I also stopLỗi thì: phải là “stopped” buying snacks after class, which was, erTừ đệm dùng khi tìm ý tiếp theo, quite hard because my friends always went to the cafe. Every month I put the money in a small tin box under my bed and I counted it again and again. In the sixth month my phone breakLỗi thì: phải là “broke” and I almost useLỗi dạng động từ: phải là “used” the money to fix it, but my uncle said I must wait. I wanted the guitar because music helps me relax after a long day, and also I wanted to play songs with the group from my church. When I finally had enough money, I went to a music shop near my university with my uncle, and he helped me choose a goodTính từ cơ bản, hạn chế Lexical Resource one. I felt very, very happyTừ nhấn mạnh cơ bản bị lặp lại thay vì một từ chính xác when I carried it home. I didn’t sleptLỗi dạng động từ: phải là “didn’t sleep” much that night because I playLỗi thì: phải là “played” until my mother told me to stop. I think saving for it was a good experienceCụm từ mơ hồ, hạn chế Lexical Resource, because now I take care itThiếu giới từ: phải là “take care of it” very carefully. Now I play it at church on Sundays, next to my uncle, and I am very proud when people listen.

Band 7

I’d like to describe an acoustic guitar that I saved up for two years ago. I live in Lagos, and I’d wanted a guitar ever since I was fifteen, because my uncle played one every Sunday after church and I loved the sound. My family couldn’t afford to buy it for me, so I decided to put money asideCollocation tự nhiên khi nói về việc tiết kiệm myself, and it took me about nine months. I worked on Saturdays in my cousin’s phone shop, and I gave up buying snacks after class, which was harder than I expected because my friends always went to the cafeSo sánh hơn kèm mệnh đề lý do, dùng chính xác. Every month I’d drop what I’d earned into a small tin box under my bed and count it again and again. In the sixth month my phone broke and I was tempted to spend the money on a new screen, but my uncle told me to hold on, so I did. I wanted the guitar because music helps me unwind after a long day, and I hoped to play along with the group from my church. When I finally had enough, I went to a music shop near my university with my uncle, who helped me pick out a really nice oneTính từ an toàn, chung chung; một từ chính xác hơn sẽ nâng độ đa dạng. I felt incredibly proudTừ chỉ cảm xúc mạnh và chính xác hơn carrying it home. I hardly slept that night because I kept playing until my mother told to meLỗi trật tự từ: phải là “told me” to stop. Looking back, saving for it made me appreciate it more than if someone had simply handed it to meMệnh đề suy ngẫm nối nỗ lực với cảm xúc, and I look after it very carefully, so it’s still in a perfect conditionLỗi mạo từ: “in perfect condition” không dùng mạo từ. Now I play it at church on Sundays, right next to my uncle.

Band 8

I’d like to describe an acoustic guitar that I saved up for two years ago. I live in Lagos, and I’d had my heart set on one ever since I was fifteen, when my uncle started playing his every Sunday after church. My family couldn’t afford to buy it for me, so I decided to put the money aside myself, and it took me about nine months. I worked on Saturdays in my cousin’s phone shop and went without snacks after class, which was harder than I’d expected, given that my friends were always at the cafeSo sánh hơn kèm mệnh đề chỉ lý do, kiểm soát tốt và tự nhiên. Every month I’d drop what I’d earned into a small tin box under my bed and count it again, as if it might have multiplied overnight. In the sixth month my phone broke and I was sorely temptedCollocation chính xác thể hiện một giằng co thật bên trong to spend the money on a new screen, but my uncle urged me to hold on, and I’m glad I did. I wanted the guitar because music helps me unwind after a long day, and I hoped to play along with the group from my church. When I finally had enough, I went to a music shop near my university with my uncle, who helped me pick out one with a warm, full soundMô tả cụ thể thay vì một tính từ chung chung. I was over the moonThành ngữ diễn tả niềm vui lớn carrying it home. I hardly slept that night because I kept playing until my mother had to come in and ask me to stopCụm kể chuyện tự nhiên với thì đúng. Looking back, what I value most is not the guitar itself but the months it representsCâu chẻ nêu một ý kết rõ ràng, which is probably why I still treat it with such care. Now I play it at church on Sundays, right next to my uncle, and being listened to feels like a reward I earnedCụm ngắn gọn, tự nhiên, nhắc lại chủ đề nỗ lực.