Describe a person you know who would like to work in the medical field

Band 6

I would like to talk about my cousin Selam, who lives in Addis Ababa in Ethiopia. Our mothers are sisters, so I know herLỗi thì: phải là “have known her” all my life, and we wasLỗi hoà hợp chủ ngữ – động từ: phải là “were” together every school holiday when we were small. She wants to become a children’s doctor, a, erTừ ngập ngừng tự nhiên, từ đệm không đáng kể, paediatrician. Now she studyLỗi thì: phải là “is studying” hard for her final school exams because she hopes to go to medical school. On Saturdays she also helps at a small clinic near her house, where she gives out forms and plays with the children in the waiting room. Sometimes I visit her there, and I can see that the children really trust her. She started to think about this career when she was twelve years old. Her little brother Dawit had a high fever and stayed in hospital for one week. Selam sitLỗi thì: phải là “sat” next to his bed every afternoon, and she saw a young doctor who talked to Dawit very gently and made him laugh. After that day she told everybody that she will beLỗi thì trong câu tường thuật: phải là “would be” a doctor like him. I think she wants this career for two reasons. First, she is very good at scienceCụm từ cơ bản, hạn chế Lexical Resource, especially biology. Second, she wants to help people, and in my country doctors get big respectCollocation chưa chính xác; “a great deal of respect” tự nhiên hơn. You knowCụm từ đệm dùng để ngập ngừng, she is also very patient personThiếu mạo từ: phải là “a very patient person”, so I am sure she will be a good doctor. I am proud of her, and her plan makes me think about my own future, because I do not have a clear idea yet.

Band 7

I’d like to talk about my cousin Selam, who lives in Addis Ababa in Ethiopia. Our mothers are sisters, so I’ve known her all my life, and we spent every school holiday together when we were small. She’d like to become a paediatrician, which means a doctor for children. At the moment she’s working hard for her final school exams so that she can apply to medical schoolMệnh đề chỉ mục đích với “so that” được dùng chính xác. On Saturdays she also helps at a small clinic near her house, where she gives out forms and plays with the children in the waiting room. Sometimes I visit her there, and I can see that the children really trust her. She first started to think about this career when she was twelve. Her little brother Dawit had a high fever and spent a week in hospital, and Selam sat beside his bed every afternoon. She noticed a young doctor who spoke to Dawit very gently and even made him laugh, and from that day she told everybody she was going to be a doctor like heLỗi cách của đại từ: phải là “like him”. I think there are two reasons behind her choice. Firstly, she’s gifted at scienceTính từ chính xác thay cho “very good”, biology especially. Secondly, she genuinely wants to help people, and on top of thatCụm liên kết giúp phần giải thích có tổ chức doctors are highly respected where we live. I’m proud of her, and I’m sure she’ll be a good doctor because she’s remarkably patientTừ nhấn mạnh tự nhiên đi với một tính từ chính xác, even with difficult people. Her plan also makes me think about my own future, because I don’t have such a clear idea yet.

Band 8

I’d like to talk about my cousin Selam, who lives in Addis Ababa in Ethiopia. Our mothers are sisters, so I’ve known her all my life, and we spent every school holiday together as children. She hopes to become a paediatrician, and she’s currently working hard for her final school exams so that she can apply to medical school. On Saturdays she also helps at a small clinic near her house, where she gives out forms and plays with the children in the waiting room. Whenever I visit her there, it’s obvious that the children trust her. The idea first took hold when she was about twelveCách diễn đạt mang tính thành ngữ để dẫn vào điểm bắt đầu. Her little brother Dawit had a high fever and spent a week in hospital, and Selam sat beside his bed every afternoon. She noticed a young doctor who spoke to Dawit very gently and even made him laugh, and from that day she told everybody she was going to be a doctor like him. I think there are two reasons behind her choice. For one thing, she has a real gift for scienceCollocation tự nhiên thay cho “is good at”, biology in particular. For another, she genuinely wants to help people, children above all, and, as a bonus, doctors are highly respected where we live. I’m proud of her, and I’m convinced she’ll be a caring doctor, because she’s remarkably patient, even with people who are difficultCụm bổ nghĩa đặt sau cho một câu kết chính xác, linh hoạt. Honestly, her certainty makes me reflect on my own future, since I haven’t settled on a direction yet.