Describe a person you know who would like to work in the medical field

Band 6

I would like to talk about my cousin Selam, who lives in Addis Ababa in Ethiopia. Our mothers are sisters, so I know her시제 오류: 올바른 형태는 “have known her” all my life, and we was주어와 동사의 수 불일치: 올바른 형태는 “were” together every school holiday when we were small. She wants to become a children’s doctor, a, er자연스러운 머뭇거림 표지, 가벼운 군말, paediatrician. Now she study시제 오류: 올바른 형태는 “is studying” hard for her final school exams because she hopes to go to medical school. On Saturdays she also helps at a small clinic near her house, where she gives out forms and plays with the children in the waiting room. Sometimes I visit her there, and I can see that the children really trust her. She started to think about this career when she was twelve years old. Her little brother Dawit had a high fever and stayed in hospital for one week. Selam sit시제 오류: 올바른 형태는 “sat” next to his bed every afternoon, and she saw a young doctor who talked to Dawit very gently and made him laugh. After that day she told everybody that she will be간접화법의 시제 오류: 올바른 형태는 “would be” a doctor like him. I think she wants this career for two reasons. First, she is very good at science기본적인 표현, Lexical Resource 점수를 제한함, especially biology. Second, she wants to help people, and in my country doctors get big respect부정확한 콜로케이션: “a great deal of respect”가 더 자연스러움. You know머뭇거림 표지로 쓰인 군말, she is also very patient person관사 누락: 올바른 형태는 “a very patient person”, so I am sure she will be a good doctor. I am proud of her, and her plan makes me think about my own future, because I do not have a clear idea yet.

Band 7

I’d like to talk about my cousin Selam, who lives in Addis Ababa in Ethiopia. Our mothers are sisters, so I’ve known her all my life, and we spent every school holiday together when we were small. She’d like to become a paediatrician, which means a doctor for children. At the moment she’s working hard for her final school exams so that she can apply to medical school“so that”을 쓴 목적절을 정확하게 사용. On Saturdays she also helps at a small clinic near her house, where she gives out forms and plays with the children in the waiting room. Sometimes I visit her there, and I can see that the children really trust her. She first started to think about this career when she was twelve. Her little brother Dawit had a high fever and spent a week in hospital, and Selam sat beside his bed every afternoon. She noticed a young doctor who spoke to Dawit very gently and even made him laugh, and from that day she told everybody she was going to be a doctor like he대명사 격 오류: 올바른 형태는 “like him”. I think there are two reasons behind her choice. Firstly, she’s gifted at science“very good”을 대신하는 정확한 형용사, biology especially. Secondly, she genuinely wants to help people, and on top of that설명을 체계적으로 이어 주는 연결 표현 doctors are highly respected where we live. I’m proud of her, and I’m sure she’ll be a good doctor because she’s remarkably patient자연스러운 강조어와 정확한 형용사, even with difficult people. Her plan also makes me think about my own future, because I don’t have such a clear idea yet.

Band 8

I’d like to talk about my cousin Selam, who lives in Addis Ababa in Ethiopia. Our mothers are sisters, so I’ve known her all my life, and we spent every school holiday together as children. She hopes to become a paediatrician, and she’s currently working hard for her final school exams so that she can apply to medical school. On Saturdays she also helps at a small clinic near her house, where she gives out forms and plays with the children in the waiting room. Whenever I visit her there, it’s obvious that the children trust her. The idea first took hold when she was about twelve시작 시점을 소개하는 관용적인 표현. Her little brother Dawit had a high fever and spent a week in hospital, and Selam sat beside his bed every afternoon. She noticed a young doctor who spoke to Dawit very gently and even made him laugh, and from that day she told everybody she was going to be a doctor like him. I think there are two reasons behind her choice. For one thing, she has a real gift for science“is good at”을 대신하는 자연스러운 콜로케이션, biology in particular. For another, she genuinely wants to help people, children above all, and, as a bonus, doctors are highly respected where we live. I’m proud of her, and I’m convinced she’ll be a caring doctor, because she’s remarkably patient, even with people who are difficult후치 수식 구문이 정확하고 유연한 마무리를 만듦. Honestly, her certainty makes me reflect on my own future, since I haven’t settled on a direction yet.