Describe a person you know who would like to work in the medical field

Band 6

I would like to talk about my cousin Selam, who lives in Addis Ababa in Ethiopia. Our mothers are sisters, so I know herErro de tempo verbal: deveria ser “have known her” all my life, and we wasErro de concordância verbal: deveria ser “were” together every school holiday when we were small. She wants to become a children’s doctor, a, erHesitação natural, pequena muleta de linguagem, paediatrician. Now she studyErro de tempo verbal: deveria ser “is studying” hard for her final school exams because she hopes to go to medical school. On Saturdays she also helps at a small clinic near her house, where she gives out forms and plays with the children in the waiting room. Sometimes I visit her there, and I can see that the children really trust her. She started to think about this career when she was twelve years old. Her little brother Dawit had a high fever and stayed in hospital for one week. Selam sitErro de tempo verbal: deveria ser “sat” next to his bed every afternoon, and she saw a young doctor who talked to Dawit very gently and made him laugh. After that day she told everybody that she will beErro de tempo verbal no discurso indireto: deveria ser “would be” a doctor like him. I think she wants this career for two reasons. First, she is very good at scienceExpressão básica; limita o Lexical Resource, especially biology. Second, she wants to help people, and in my country doctors get big respectCollocation imprecisa; “a great deal of respect” é mais natural. You knowMuleta de linguagem usada como marcador de hesitação, she is also very patient personFalta o artigo: deveria ser “a very patient person”, so I am sure she will be a good doctor. I am proud of her, and her plan makes me think about my own future, because I do not have a clear idea yet.

Band 7

I’d like to talk about my cousin Selam, who lives in Addis Ababa in Ethiopia. Our mothers are sisters, so I’ve known her all my life, and we spent every school holiday together when we were small. She’d like to become a paediatrician, which means a doctor for children. At the moment she’s working hard for her final school exams so that she can apply to medical schoolOração de finalidade com “so that” usada com precisão. On Saturdays she also helps at a small clinic near her house, where she gives out forms and plays with the children in the waiting room. Sometimes I visit her there, and I can see that the children really trust her. She first started to think about this career when she was twelve. Her little brother Dawit had a high fever and spent a week in hospital, and Selam sat beside his bed every afternoon. She noticed a young doctor who spoke to Dawit very gently and even made him laugh, and from that day she told everybody she was going to be a doctor like heErro de caso do pronome: deveria ser “like him”. I think there are two reasons behind her choice. Firstly, she’s gifted at scienceAdjetivo preciso no lugar de “very good”, biology especially. Secondly, she genuinely wants to help people, and on top of thatExpressão de ligação que mantém a explicação organizada doctors are highly respected where we live. I’m proud of her, and I’m sure she’ll be a good doctor because she’s remarkably patientIntensificador natural com adjetivo preciso, even with difficult people. Her plan also makes me think about my own future, because I don’t have such a clear idea yet.

Band 8

I’d like to talk about my cousin Selam, who lives in Addis Ababa in Ethiopia. Our mothers are sisters, so I’ve known her all my life, and we spent every school holiday together as children. She hopes to become a paediatrician, and she’s currently working hard for her final school exams so that she can apply to medical school. On Saturdays she also helps at a small clinic near her house, where she gives out forms and plays with the children in the waiting room. Whenever I visit her there, it’s obvious that the children trust her. The idea first took hold when she was about twelveManeira idiomática de introduzir o ponto de partida. Her little brother Dawit had a high fever and spent a week in hospital, and Selam sat beside his bed every afternoon. She noticed a young doctor who spoke to Dawit very gently and even made him laugh, and from that day she told everybody she was going to be a doctor like him. I think there are two reasons behind her choice. For one thing, she has a real gift for scienceCollocation natural no lugar de “is good at”, biology in particular. For another, she genuinely wants to help people, children above all, and, as a bonus, doctors are highly respected where we live. I’m proud of her, and I’m convinced she’ll be a caring doctor, because she’s remarkably patient, even with people who are difficultExpressão pós-modificadora que dá um final preciso e flexível. Honestly, her certainty makes me reflect on my own future, since I haven’t settled on a direction yet.