Describe a person you know who would like to work in the medical field

Band 6

I would like to talk about my cousin Selam, who lives in Addis Ababa in Ethiopia. Our mothers are sisters, so I know her時態錯誤：應為「have known her」 all my life, and we was主詞動詞不一致：應為「were」 together every school holiday when we were small. She wants to become a children’s doctor, a, er自然的停頓，填充詞不顯眼, paediatrician. Now she study時態錯誤：應為「is studying」 hard for her final school exams because she hopes to go to medical school. On Saturdays she also helps at a small clinic near her house, where she gives out forms and plays with the children in the waiting room. Sometimes I visit her there, and I can see that the children really trust her. She started to think about this career when she was twelve years old. Her little brother Dawit had a high fever and stayed in hospital for one week. Selam sit時態錯誤：應為「sat」 next to his bed every afternoon, and she saw a young doctor who talked to Dawit very gently and made him laugh. After that day she told everybody that she will be轉述時的時態錯誤：應為「would be」 a doctor like him. I think she wants this career for two reasons. First, she is very good at science基本說法，限制了Lexical Resource的分數, especially biology. Second, she wants to help people, and in my country doctors get big respect不精準的詞語搭配；「a great deal of respect」更自然. You know當作停頓使用的填充詞, she is also very patient person漏掉冠詞：應為「a very patient person」, so I am sure she will be a good doctor. I am proud of her, and her plan makes me think about my own future, because I do not have a clear idea yet.

Band 7

I’d like to talk about my cousin Selam, who lives in Addis Ababa in Ethiopia. Our mothers are sisters, so I’ve known her all my life, and we spent every school holiday together when we were small. She’d like to become a paediatrician, which means a doctor for children. At the moment she’s working hard for her final school exams so that she can apply to medical school準確使用「so that」的目的子句. On Saturdays she also helps at a small clinic near her house, where she gives out forms and plays with the children in the waiting room. Sometimes I visit her there, and I can see that the children really trust her. She first started to think about this career when she was twelve. Her little brother Dawit had a high fever and spent a week in hospital, and Selam sat beside his bed every afternoon. She noticed a young doctor who spoke to Dawit very gently and even made him laugh, and from that day she told everybody she was going to be a doctor like he代名詞格錯誤：應為「like him」. I think there are two reasons behind her choice. Firstly, she’s gifted at science用精準的形容詞取代「very good」, biology especially. Secondly, she genuinely wants to help people, and on top of that連接用語讓說明保持有條理 doctors are highly respected where we live. I’m proud of her, and I’m sure she’ll be a good doctor because she’s remarkably patient自然的強調詞搭配精準的形容詞, even with difficult people. Her plan also makes me think about my own future, because I don’t have such a clear idea yet.

Band 8

I’d like to talk about my cousin Selam, who lives in Addis Ababa in Ethiopia. Our mothers are sisters, so I’ve known her all my life, and we spent every school holiday together as children. She hopes to become a paediatrician, and she’s currently working hard for her final school exams so that she can apply to medical school. On Saturdays she also helps at a small clinic near her house, where she gives out forms and plays with the children in the waiting room. Whenever I visit her there, it’s obvious that the children trust her. The idea first took hold when she was about twelve引出起點的慣用說法. Her little brother Dawit had a high fever and spent a week in hospital, and Selam sat beside his bed every afternoon. She noticed a young doctor who spoke to Dawit very gently and even made him laugh, and from that day she told everybody she was going to be a doctor like him. I think there are two reasons behind her choice. For one thing, she has a real gift for science用自然的詞語搭配取代「is good at」, biology in particular. For another, she genuinely wants to help people, children above all, and, as a bonus, doctors are highly respected where we live. I’m proud of her, and I’m convinced she’ll be a caring doctor, because she’s remarkably patient, even with people who are difficult後置修飾語讓結尾精準而有彈性. Honestly, her certainty makes me reflect on my own future, since I haven’t settled on a direction yet.