6점, 7점, 8점 수준의 아이엘츠(IELTS) “agree or disagree” 에세이

Band 6

Nowadays many people discuss whether music should be compulsory in primary schools. Some people think it is useful and other people think it is not necessary. In my opinion, I agree with this idea because it help주어와 동사의 수 불일치: 올바른 형태는 “helps” children to concentrate, but only in the first years of school.

FirstlyFirstly와 Secondly가 본론 문단 사이의 유일한 연결 표현, playing an instrument is good for concentration. When a child learn주어와 동사의 수 불일치: 올바른 형태는 “learns” the recorder, he must watch the music all the time, and if he do a mistake동사 오류와 수 불일치: 올바른 형태는 “makes a mistake” the other children hear it. So he learns to concentrate and this is very important for his study. It is also a good habit for the future, and he learns to be patient. Many children have a problem to concentrate in other lessons, so music can help them with this.

Secondly, music is good for cooperation. Also, music is fun for children and they like to do it with their friends. Children play together so they cooperate and this is a good thing for the society아이디어를 언급만 하고 설명하지 않음, 함께 연주하면 어떻게 협동을 배우는지 보여 주는 예가 없음. I beleive철자 오류: 올바른 형태는 “believe” this is a big advantage of learning music at school.

However, I think music should not be compulsory for all years. When children are older, they can be forced to play and then they will not like music, and some children stop to go to the lesson. This is not good for them and it is a waste of time in the school.

In conclusion결론 문단임을 알리는 유일한 신호, 이어서 앞의 요점을 반복함, music is good for children and it is important in school. I think schools should make it compulsory, so this is my opinion서론에서 정한 저학년 한정이 빠져 입장이 흐려짐. Music helps children to concentrate and to cooperate, and it is good for them. I hope that schools will think about this.

Band 7

Some people believe that primary schools should make learning a musical instrument compulsory because it helps children to concentrate in other lessons. I agree with this view to a large extent, but I think the requirement should apply only to the early years of primary school입장과 그 한계를 독자가 그대로 되풀이할 수 있는 한 문장에 담음.

The main reason is that playing an instrument trains concentration. A child learning the recorder has to keep their attention on the music for the whole piece자연스러운 콜로케이션, 음악에는 “piece”가 알맞은 단어, because a mistake is heard by the whole class straight away예의 근거가 되는 이유를 같은 문장에서 밝힘. Pupils who have practised this for ten minutes at a time are better prepared to a reading lesson전치사 오류: 올바른 형태는 “prepared for”, since it is the same skill used on different material. Over a term, this repeated effort becomes a habit.

Another reason상황에 맞는 단순한 안내 표현, 문단이 한 주제를 유지함 is that music teaches children to cooperate. In a class band, each child’s part sounds incomplete alone, so they must listen to the others and adjust. Over time the group also depends on each child, which gives every one of them a reason to take the lessons seriously. This is a skill that written exercises seldom develop, and it means that even a shy child can feel part of a group by the end of term.

However, I do not think the rule should continue for the whole of school life. Older pupils who are forced to continue may start to dislike music, which would cancel the benefit of the earlier lessons전체 아이디어를 가리키는 관계절을 정확하게 사용. A choice would let those who enjoy music continue, while others could try a different activity. In conclusion, I agree that music should be compulsory in the first years, after which children should be able to choose.

Band 8

The case for compulsory music in primary school rests on what an instrument actually trains. I largely agree that it should be compulsory, because the claim about concentration holds, but I would limit the requirement to the early years주장, 이유, 한계에 한 문장으로 답함, when habits of attention are still being formed.

The strongest argument is that an instrument demands a kind of attention that few other tasks ask of a seven-year-old특정 연령대를 짚어 주장이 절제되고 정확함. A child learning the recorder cannot drift: a note played late is audible to everyone, so the lesson itself corrects a wandering mind. The effect is gradual, but it accumulates over a term. Pupils who have spent ten minutes holding a rhythm are better placed to sit through a reading lesson, since the skill is the same one applied to different material이유를 문장 안에 붙여 별도의 연결 표현이 필요 없음.

A second benefit is that music teaches children to work with others. In a class ensemble, each child’s part is incomplete alone, so playing well means listening to the rest and adjusting. The dependence is mutual: the group cannot play without any one of its members, and each child learns that early. This is a lesson in cooperation that a worksheet cannot deliver“This”가 방금 설명한 합주 경험이라는 하나의 분명한 대상을 가리킴, and it explains why even a reluctant child often values the group performance at the end of term.

The requirement should not continue indefinitely, however서론에서 약속한 한계를 알리는 데 그치지 않고 전개함. An older pupil forced to continue an instrument may come to resent it, which would undo the very attitude the early lessons built정확하고 자연스러우며 과시하는 단어가 없음. Those who enjoy music will continue anyway; those who do not are better served by other activities that build the same habits. Compulsory music in the first years, followed by a choice of their own, therefore seems a defensible arrangement분사구가 끼어든 명사구를 쉼표로 깔끔하게 정리.