Describe a happy event you organised

Band 6

I would like to talk about a surprise birthday party that I organiseTense slip: should be “organised” for my grandmother last August. She was turning seventy, and my cousins and I wanted to do something special for her. We held it in the garden of my uncle’s house, in the evening, because the weather was cooler. First, I wrote a long list of guestsBasic phrasing; limits Lexical Resource with my mother, and my cousins helpTense slip: should be “helped” me with the food and the decorations. The most difficult part was keeping it secret, because my grandmother always askSubject-verb agreement error: should be “asks” questions when she sees us whispering. We told her that we were just having a family dinner. My sister and I also put lights and paper flowers in the garden the afternoon before. On the day the cake arrived late, and I was a little nervous, but my uncle goTense slip: should be “went” to collect it and it arrived before she did. When she came into the garden, everyone shouted “surprise” and she started to cry from happiness. Afterwards we sat together and looked at old photographs until midnight. I felt very proud and happy, and I think it was one of the best evenings of the year for my family.

Band 7

I’d like to talk about a surprise birthday party I organised for my grandmother last August. She was turning seventy, and my cousins and I wanted to do something special for her. We held it in the garden of my uncle’s house in the evening, when it was cooler. First I drew up a guest list with my motherPhrasal verb used naturally in the past simple, and my cousins took care of the food and decorationsPrecise collocation. The hardest part was keeping it a secret, because my grandmother always asks questions when she sees us whispering, so we told her it was just a family dinner. My sister and I also hung lights and paper flowers around the garden the afternoon before. On the day, the cake arrived late and I started to panic, but my uncle went to collect it and it got there before she did. When she walked into the garden, everyone shouted “surprise” and she burst into tears of happiness. Afterwards we sat together and looked through old photographs until midnight. Looking back, what I felt most was relief and prideSignposting phrase introduces the reflection the question asks for, because it have broughtTense form error: should be “because it had brought” the whole family together.

Band 8

I’d like to talk about a surprise birthday party I organised for my grandmother last August. She was turning seventy, and my cousins and I wanted to do something special for her. We held it in the garden of my uncle’s house in the evening, when it was cooler. First I drew up a guest list with my mother, and my cousins took care of the food and decorations. The hardest part was keeping it a secret, since my grandmother always asks questions when she catches us whispering, so we told her it was just a family dinner. My sister and I also hung lights and paper flowers around the garden the afternoon before. On the day, the cake arrived late and I started to panic, but my uncle went to collect it and it got there before she did. No sooner had she walked into the garden than everyone shouted “surprise”Inverted structure gives emphasis to the key moment, and she burst into tears of happiness. Afterwards we sat together and looked through old photographs until midnight. Looking back, what I felt most was relief and pride, because it had brought the whole family togetherNatural collocation giving the closing reason in a way that nothing else that year had.