Describe a successful business person you know

Band 6

I would like to talk about my uncle Rustam, who is my mother’s brother and ownОшибка согласования подлежащего и сказуемого: должно быть «owns» a bakery business in Tashkent. About twelve years ago he started with only one small shop, and he worked in it himself from five in the morning. I used to help him in the school holidays, so I knowОшибка времени: должно быть «knew» how hard the work was. Now he has four shops and about thirty workers, which is a very big successПростая лексика; ограничивает Lexical Resource for a person who haveОшибка времени: должно быть «had» no experience in business. I think he is successful because he is very patient. He did not open new shops quickly, he waited until the first shop was working well. He also listenОшибка времени: должно быть «listens» to his customers, and when they said the bread was too heavy, he changeОшибка времени: должно быть «changed» the recipe. Another reason is that he teaches his workers carefully and he is kind to them, so they stay with him for many years. When I see him I think that success is not only luck, it is also about hard work every day and being honest to people.

Band 7

I’d like to talk about my uncle Rustam, my mother’s brother, who owns a bakery business in Tashkent. About twelve years ago he began with a single small shop, and he worked in it himself from five every morning. I used to help him during the school holidays, so I knew exactly how demanding it wasСогласование времён с переходом в прошедшее сохраняет единообразие времён. Today he has four shops and around thirty employees, which is quite an achievement for someone who started from scratchЕстественное идиоматичное выражение with no business background. I think he’s successful because he’s patient: he didn’t open new shops in a rush, he waited until the first one was running smoothly. He also pays attention to his customers, and when several of them said the bread was too heavy, he changed the recipe within a week. Another reason is that he trains his staff carefully and treats them kindly, so they tend to stay with him for yearsЧёткая связка результата сохраняет связность рассуждения. Watching him made me realise that success isn’t just luck; it comes from work hardОшибка формы: должно быть «working hard» every day and being honest with people, a lesson I’d like to remember in my own career.

Band 8

I’d like to talk about my uncle Rustam, my mother’s brother, who owns a bakery business in Tashkent. About twelve years ago he began with a single small shop, which he ran single-handedly from five every morningТочное, естественное словосочетание. I used to help him during school holidays, so I knew exactly how demanding it was. Today he has four shops and around thirty employees, quite an achievement for someone who started from scratch with no business background. I think he’s successful chiefly because he’s patient: he never opened a new shop in a rush, but waited until the previous one was running smoothly. He also pays close attention to customers; when several mentioned that the bread felt heavy, he changed the recipe within a week. Beyond that, he trains his staff carefully and treats them kindly, which is why many of them have stayed for years. Watching him taught me that success isn’t simply a matter of luckУстойчивое выражение естественно использовано в отрицательном сравнении but the result of working hard every day and dealing honestly with people, and that is exactly the lesson I’d like to carry into my own career.